I really need to say this. If you are unhappy, anxious, or otherwise depressed, pick up the bible. It is well worth it, because in the bible there is a God who loves you and gives you a comfort only he can provide. At the beginning of the year, I reached a really low point. My mom almost died a few times (she was very ill), my disabled brother came to live with me, and I was completely overwhelmed. I started having panic attacks out of no where. If you never had a panic attack, I do not wish it on you. I remember my first one, it still haunts me. I was asleep, and was dreaming. I had a dream my mother and I were in a car and laughing/talking like normal. The road just ended and we drove right into a lake. As the car sank and the water came swarming in. I managed to get my seatbelt off and noticed my window was already down. I started to make my way out of the car and looked back and saw my mother struggling to undo her seatbelt. I tried to grab her and help, but I was being pulled towards the top. My air running out with every second that ticked by. I fought as hard as I could, but no matter what I did it failed. I woke up in the middle of this dream. I was breathing really fast, I could hardly catch my breath. I felt like a log was on my chest. I was really starting to panic, because I didn’t know where I was for a moment. My mom’s dog (who I also adopted), started to lick my face. It was the only thing that brought me back to reality. It was by far one of the scariest moments in my life. I have had a few more since, but nothing like that first one. My husband has been super supportive and I am really grateful for that! I have asked him and my kids to completely rearrange our lives, and they have been awesome! When my mom gets better, she will be living with us also. That’s 2 families under a small roof.
The MVP goes to GOD! If it was not for him, I think I would still be lying in bed, with no ambition, or hope. I finally decided to stop trying to fix everything myself and just let go. Let him deal with all my anxiety, depression, and worry. So I embarked on a spiritual journey. I started to meditate. I am still struggling with this, because it just feels so weird, so it’s a work in progress. I made a vision board. This listed goals I wanted to accomplish this year, along with bible verses and inspirational quotes. About this time my oldest son said I was becoming a hippy! Ha! I started to read more in the bible and really worked on my prayer life. It was amazing the changes, that started to take shape. It was a process, but I could feel everyday was getting, better.
Now I still continue my journey and feel a lot better, than I did only months ago. I would like to share some bible verses that helped me to get through some tough times.
- “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10
- “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7
- “When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul.” Psalm 94:19
- “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9
- Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:34
The last one I repeat to myself almost daily. “Do not worry about tomorrow, tomorrow will worry about itself”. It is a reminder for me to hold back the anxiety and to not worry about the things of tomorrow I cannot change. I need to be more concerned about the here and now. God will see me through the rest!
I also like to just lay and watch the stars. How amazing is a god who can create so much wonder in our world, and universe, and then decide, that you are needed also. It really just blows me away. So basically, I finally said to myself, “I am worth it, and because I am worth it, I need to take better care of myself”. This meant physically along with mentally. Still working on the physical part. Ha! I really need to start exercising more. Little change at a time right! Maybe soon I will be able to post I started exercising regularly! I am proud of how far I have come. It was not easy, but I made it through. Life will continue to throw you and me hurdles. Life is difficult! I feel maybe they should have prepared us a little better in school for some of life’s crap! Maybe less quadratic equations and more how to be an adult and cope! I know I have never had to use a quadratic equation in my adult life.
My hope for anyone suffering from anxiety, depression, or fear, is to work through it. Because your worth it! A creator who made all the stars in the sky and planets, looked down, and decided the world couldn’t be with out you! Much love! XO
*****If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please reach out for help. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (US) is 1-800-273-8255*****